Some aspects of cancer and cancer treatments such as radiotherapy and chemotherapy may make you feel less interested in sex.
Feeling anxious, tired, depressed or nauseous can often reduce your desire for sex. Losing your hair, having a long-term tube (line) inserted, or having body-changing surgery such as a mastectomy (breast removal) or an orchidectomy (testicle removal) can also make you feel less desirable.
Talk to your partner about how you're feeling. It might help to explain that your lack of interest in sex is not personal, and to let them know what you are feeling. In turn, they may be able to reassure you about your concerns. Working through the issues together can help to bring you closer.
Talk to your GP or cancer specialist about your concerns as well, as some cancer treatments and antidepressants can affect your sexual desire. It may be possible to alter your medication.
Chemotherapy can sometimes bring on an early menopause in women, which itself can cause dryness of the vagina and lowered libido (sexual desire). HRT (hormone replacement therapy) can be prescribed for women with most types of cancer. Your GP will be able to advise you about your individual case. Creams and ointments that ease the problem of vaginal dryness are available from pharmacies.
If you have chronic pain that makes sex difficult or uncomfortable, you may find these suggestions helpful:
- Plan sex for the time of day that you know you are usually in the least amount of pain. This may be shortly after you take your painkillers, or when you are least tired. Plan some time with your partner for that time of the day, and try to make sure you'll have no interruptions.
- If heat helps soothe your pain, try using an electric blanket to warm the bed for a while before you have sex, or have a warm bath or shower with your partner. A gentle massage may also help.
- Remember that penetrative sex is not the only way to have a healthy sex life. Use masturbation, oral sex, erotic literature or sex toys if you and your partner find them stimulating.
- Talk to your partner. Be open with each other so that you both know what feels good and what feels uncomfortable. If you're in a lot of pain, it may be difficult for your partner to know. So be honest, and make suggestions.